Friday, May 23, 2008

Holy Inappropriateness Batman...

My neighbor that moved in where my in-laws used to live is a really nice guy. He likes a well manicured yard and clear sidewalks when it snows. He always does it without asking and usually says, "No really. I like doing it!" Which is extremely generous of him. He pretty much does every one's front yards within at least a five house radius of his. He snow blows both sides of the street, around some neighbors cars even, on pretty much the whole block. I think that's his gift to the mail person. We are having a birthday party for Yellow Belt tomorrow evening and even though Dirty offered to do it since we were having guests in the yard our neighbor still did it during the day today while we were both gone.

As a thank you we try to get him some Schlafly beer as a thank you because he enjoys beer. We do it when we can, which isn't often with our current financial situation, in hopes that it conveys our gratitude. We don't have a lawnmower, a snow blower, a weed whacker, or any of the other tools you might need to keep your yard looking crisp. And since Dirty offered to do it and our neighbor did it anyway we bought a couple of cases and were going to let him pick which one he wanted. Dirty left it to me this time to speak with our neighbor about which he preferred.

Now as I've stated he'd been working in the yard all afternoon. He had just gone inside but I was hoping to catch him before he went out or got too comfy inside. I ran over and rang the bell. No dogs barking. Must not work. Knocked on the glass of their door. Dogs bark. It's only a matter of moments now. Then he opens his door...wearing nothing but a towel...that is gaping toward the bottom...threatening to pop open and show me more than I would really ever want to see of one of my neighbors. Holy inappropriateness!!! So I said a little shyly and really embarrassed that, "You really didn't have to answer the door in this state!" He said, "Oh no. It's not problem." All I can think is...white hairy chest...please don't let the towel drop...oh good the puppy came out to see me and I don't have to look up...just spit out the types of beer you bought and have him pick...AS QUICKLY AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE...PLEASE...OH...PLEASE!!!!! I gave him the choices. He didn't have a preference. I was trying to figure out how to get out of the situation as quickly as possible. I said, "Well we should be in the yard later. I could get it to you then. But actually. You're already at the door (practically naked anyway). So if you can wait, like, 30 more seconds I can go get it and run it back over." "Sure that would work." "Okay great." I ran back over and then had to walk back with the case of Hefeweizen. I would have ran had I not feared slipping on the walk and then breaking the bottles in the case. I noticed when I came back out that he was leaning out his door watching. So as soon as I gave him the case he said, "Yeah, I cleaned off your patio out back for you since you'll have guests over." "I said we really appreciate it. Thank you so much for always doing the yard." And he said, "Oh really no problem." Then I ran off because I think my entire face was red from being embarrassed.

Yikes!!! Then I couldn't even get ahold of my husband to tell him of the very odd uncomfortable situation and that I would NEVER be doing that again....never...ever. So after many weeks of not blogging about anything here's a story for you. I hope your neighbors never answer the door naked...unless you want them too of course. I really did not.

5 comments:

TMA said...

Hmmm...now I wonder about bringing Double A to the party tomorrow! :) hee hee. I can just see you squirming!

HalfPint said...

Makes Dirty's aversion to little girls in panties seem silly now doesn't it? Next time - just put half of each in the case and leave it on the back porch. You are really surprised he would answer that way are you?

Me said...

@half-pint...Dirty mainly has the aversion to little girls that he knows personally. He had no problem with Hannah Montana taking semi-seductive pictures of herself in a bathing suit. He kind of changed his mind when I asked him how he'd feel if it was Princess Tay-Tay. :D

And yes, I was surprised he answered the door that way. I know in the not so distant past it was totally unacceptable to even come to your door without being fully clothed. From now on I will definitely just guess and leave it for him on his porch. I already had a suspicion that his wife didn't like him to be alone with me. Maybe that's why???

Jeannette E. Spaghetti said...

Did I tell you about the time James saw our neighbor's JUNK!? He was going to just... pee off his porch, maybe? Which is cool, unless you live IN THE CITY...in which case, the neighbors ten feet away might see your hot dog when you whip it out to take a leak.

Anonymous said...

This is so funny. Too bad you didn't think about turning and running while screaming. That might have snapped him to his senses. Or, maybe not?